Jazz's Bipolar Prank
by Aethelgythe
Summary: Jazz finally decides to get even with the twins on Halloween night. NO SLASH! Please read and review!
1. Part 1

_Disclaimer__: I do NOT own Transformers or any characters thereof. I only own the plot that furiously attacked my brain about a year ago until I finally decided to write this story. This 27 page story has been divided into two chapters for easier reading. _

**Jazz**: HEY! I'm actually _alive _in this fanfiction?

**Ratchet**: Well, yes, thanks to the Allspark fragment and some ingenuity, we managed to bring your spark back.

**Author**: Yeah, I know everyone else seems to have used that idea but I figured it out myself after watching the first movie a million times.

**Jazz**: *crickets chirping*… so this means that I'm alive?

**Ratchet**: *lifts a wrench threateningly*

**Jazz**: Alrigh', on with the story! *Jazz runs away*

**Ratchet**: Oh, and as a side note, this author writes completely SLASH FREE stories. The only way you can find slash here is if you already have a glitched or slagged up processor. Get any _other_ ideas about the FRIENDLY or FAMILY based relationships in this story and I'm gonna—

**Author**: *throws a wrench at Ratchet's head and temporarily offlines him before he can vent a string of profanities.*

**Optimus**: *stares at Author in disapproving manner* Was, that really necessary?

**Author**: *looks down at unconscious Ratchet who is still clutching a wrench in one hand then back at Prime* _YES!_

I apologize to all die hard transformers fans if I incorrectly used the term 'Vorn'. I meant it to mean 'years' but I get a lot of terms confused so I apologize in advance. Also, _I am not trying to put down any slash lovers out there, I'm just not one to write or enjoy it_. Okay then, if anyone has any questions or comments in general please feel free to click that review button and leave me some feedback!!

JAZZ'S BIPOLAR PRANK

Nearly a year after the battle for the Allspark the autobots joined their human friends in the lounge of the recently hidden and re-acquired ship dubbed the "Ark". They agreed to join their new allies in the celebration of a human holiday called "Halloween".

Jazz ever the enthusiast of learning their culture, caught on faster than his comrades and now enthusiastically volunteered to tell the first scary story after everyone finished watching one of the last horror movie marathons that included all of the "Saw" movies, all of the "Resident Evil" films, and a wide variety of other classics, such as "Night of the Living Dead".

Sam, Mikaela, Glen, and Maggie sipped their hot chocolate while the autobots drank cubes of energon. Jazz, living up to his personal motto of, "Do it in style, or not at all", performed a handspring that flipped him 'on-stage' in front of the big screen tv. Everyone clapped and Jazz grinned when he heard someone shout, "SHOW OFF!" After everyone quieted down, he began.

"Good evenin' guys and gals! Prepare yo'selves for a tale of such horrifyin' magnitude, you migh' be in danger of a CPU overload…"

Ratchet snorted upon hearing this and grabbed himself another energon.

"…due to the rated content, this may be too terrifyin' for sparklings or humans under the age of 20…"

"Hey!" Mikaela and Sam shouted in indignation.

"Heh, jus' kiddin…"

"Get on with it!" Sunstreaker yelled from the back row with obvious impatience.

"On a dark, cold night…much like this one…a virus was mysteriously released through the air vents. There was one witness but before he could alert anyone…a clawed hand reached around the corner, pulling the unsuspecting victim into the shadows…NEVER to be seen again!!" Jazz's voice lowered for emphasis.

"BOO…this story sucks," Sideswipe shouted from the back, his troublesome twin snickering beside him.

Jazz's frown turned into a smirk as a light bulb clicked on over his head. He pointed him out, putting Sideswipe on the spot.

"Well, why don'tcha come up here then an' tell a better one!!"

Jazz then took his seat next to Ratchet, the stern but protective chief medical officer of the autobot faction. The whispering died down as everyone looked behind them expectantly at a grumbling Sideswipe whose current attention was on his brother, both whispering furiously amongst themselves. The content of their bickering was not lost on the others.

"Sunny! We are supposed to be in this together!"

"Pft…you are the one who was a slagtard, interrupting Jazz's story. You're in this one alone Sides," Sunstreaker gleefully responded.

Sideswipe groaned as he got up, a scowl written on his faceplates. He narrowed his optics and wacked his giggling twin on the head.

"Traitor"

Sunny stopped giggling and pouted in a sour fashion, both twins glaring daggers at each other, acting as mere sparklings.

A grumbling Sideswipe finally dragged himself onstage, still put out and mentally kicking himself for being so stupid. He sighed in defeat and raised his lowered head to face the audience's expectant gazes.

"There is an old cybertronian legend that a CPU altering virus once escaped a lab in the science sector, mysteriously changing mechs into a bipolar opposite of their former selves...rumor had it that there was no cure and the victim in question could infect one other—usually a loved one or the medic…"

Sideswipe paused and looked pointedly at Ratchet. Everyone followed his line of sight and eyes widened, some struggling to contain their laughter at the medic's expression that clearly said, "You have got to be kidding me…continue and you're slagged."

The red twin grinned, clearly pleased with himself for pushing the CMO's buttons.

"…the medic that was valiantly trying to save the doomed mech's life…"

The four humans were glued to their seats, completely riveted to the alien tale. It wasn't scary to them but highly entertaining. The mech's on the other hand had a different reaction Sam noticed as he looked around the room. Ironhide looked bored, Sunstreaker slipped into recharge after recognizing the story he'd heard a million times already, Optimus's eyes kept flickering as he surfed the web for email updates from Secretary Keller. Ratchet was grumpy on the account that he hated stories that involved a possible health hazard to anyone (especially cybertronian viruses that were very real in the mech world) and he fiddled with his saw—a murderous glare in his optics as Sideswipe continued. Ratchet's saw fiddling had not escaped Jazz's notice. He silently slipped to the other side of Optimus, using the leader as a barrier between himself and the ornery CMO.

Bumblebee fidgeted and subconsciously leaned closer to the towering figure of Optimus Prime. He hated this story. It reminded him of the human equivalent to zombies. When Sideswipe got to the very gruesome part of the story, a very detailed description of how a mech melted from the inside out, he released a whimper that he could no longer contain. His frightened chirp and fidgeting snapped the empathetic leader from his internet surfing. He gazed down on the youngest member of the team with concern and patted him on the head startling Bumblebee who squeaked and jumped, startled out of his processor and flung himself on Ratchet who sat directly in front of him. Ratchet nearly activated his saw when the small, yellow bot tackled him in his panicked flight to get away. When Bumblebee realized what he had done, his optics widened and he released his death grip on the surprised chief medical officer, backing away with hands raised in an "I'm sorry!" fashion. He forced his frightened expression away and was about to go sit back down when Ratchet took a hold of his arm, forcing him to sit beside him. Even though he could be as tough as nails, the CMO was probably the biggest softie of the group…especially when it came to Bumblebee.

Ratchet draped an arm around Bumblebee pulling him closer beside him, knowing the young one's fears. He sub-spaced his saw and smiled reassuringly at the scout before scowling back at the story teller, angry at the mech's inconsiderate nature. Sideswipe scared Bumblebee out of his processor for Primus's sake _and_ Sideswipe knew the young one refused to leave the room because he wanted to prove himself a fearless soldier.

"I'm sick of this garbage. Would you like to accompany me back to the med-bay? I have some new supplies that need organizing," Ratchet near whispered in Bumblebee's right audio.

Bee nodded his head enthusiastically and peered up with bright, innocent baby blue optics that could melt the Arctic—or reduce his elder's sparks into a quivering pool of energon.

The two slipped quietly out of the room, the empty seat of a certain 1st Lieutenant escaping everyone's notice. About ten minutes later, the story ended and everyone said good-night to the four tired humans who were escorted home by their respective guardians. Bumblebee drove Sam home but the Camaro returned to base, the need to be close to his comrades overriding his want to impress them.

He was scared but would never openly admit it. The twins had retired to their shared quarters for the night, leaving the hall dark with the exception of small beams of light coming from the cracks from Optimus's office. Bumblebee was on high alert, expecting someone or something to jump out from around the various corners that branched off of the current hallway he traveled through.

His battle mask slipped into place and he resisted the urge to power up his canon… until he heard slow, pounding footsteps lumbering down the hall to his right. His gun sub-spaced from his arm and he flattened himself against the wall, fear pulsating through his spark. The footsteps stopped a few feet from the corner he was currently hiding behind. Something grunted and growled, Bumblebee stiffened in response, the overwhelming desire to run away nearly over-riding his logic circuits. Gathering courage he jumped around the corner with a battle cry nearly discharging his weapon before a large black figure tackled him to the ground, disabling his main weapon. Bumblebee struggled and lashed out but he was pinned mercilessly down. He did the last and only thing he could do…an audio shattering cybertronian screech pierced the night, echoing down the empty corridors. A large hand clamped over his mouth, muffling his screams.

"Shhh… kid, it's me!"

Bumblebee heard the loud but calm voice of…

"Ironhide?"

"Yeah, it's me…sorry I scared you. I thought you were an intruder," Ironhide softly growled, embarrassed at the situation. Even though the trigger happy mech had _appeared_ bored during Sideswipe's story, in all reality, he was just as scared as Bumblebee…he just didn't show it.

The corridor lights hummed back on, illuminating an amused looking Optimus as he stared down at the two mechs who were struggling to get back on their feet, still in a tangle of arms and legs from the collision. As soon as they regained their footing, a red and yellow blur bowled them back over, screeching battle cries. Optimus shook his head at the sorry sight of four grown mechs rolling across the floor in a mini brawl. Before Prime could say a word to end all of the confusion, a voice that could melt steel thundered down the hallway.

"WHAT IN THE PIT ARE YOU SLAGGERS DOING?!!"

Even Optimus Prime cringed even though he had played no part in the scuffle.

As if an electrical shock zapped them they leapt to attention. A very irate medic stormed down the hallway, his expression screaming volumes of his frustration (mainly with Sunstreaker and Sideswipe).

"There are those of us that are actually trying to recharge! WHY are you four causing so much racket at _twelve a.m_.?!"

Optimus finally got a word in as Ratchet paused, mid rant.

"And dare I even ask…who started it?"

The four wide eyed mechs pointed fingers, blaming everyone else but themselves.

Jazz snickered softly from his vantage point in the transformer sized air shafts on the ceiling. It was a rather comical sight to see his handiwork playing out before his optics.

Sideswipe and Sunstreaker, naturally pointed fingers at each other (since it was a long ingrained habit) Bumblebee pointed one finger at the twins and one at Ironhide while Ironhide was a mirror-image of Bumblebee.

Optimus shook his head in a disappointed manner, although he too found the sight to be highly entertaining. Ratchet looked about ready to blow a fuse…or five. His voice lowered into that deadly tone that the twins knew all too well and cringed, waiting for Ratchet to throw something.

"**Everyone return to quarters**…"

When they remained frozen, he finally exploded launching a wrench at whoever was unlucky enough to still be standing there.

Bumblebee and Ironhide, were already down the hall the nano-second the wrench left Ratchet's hand. Leaving the twins, who continued to stare almost dumbly back at the CMO. Sunstreaker ducked refusing to ruin his paint job. The wrench hit Sideswipe clean in the head, causing his optics to flicker briefly, leaving a nice dent.

Jazz clamped a hand over his mouth as he struggled not to laugh out loud.

_I think ol' Hatchet as given them CPU damage from all the crap he's thrown at their heads over the millennia…that had to be the slowest reaction time I've seen in vorns._

Sideswipe shook his head as if coming out of a daze and launched his fury at getting hit on his twin.

"Why you FRAGGER! Son of a glitch…you did that on _purpose_!!"

"_Duh!_ It was YOUR turn to get hit by Hatchet's wrench!! You agreed."

"I did no such thing, liar!"

Both twins rolled around on the floor, kicking and punching each other in rage. Ratchet prepared to launch a much heavier, hammer but a firm hand from Optimus stopped him mid-throw. Jazz figured this to be the perfect opportunity to…

The grate he was peering down from suddenly gave way after he shifted his weight to back out of the vents, causing him to fall to the floor in a heap behind Optimus. He groaned and sat up to see four sets of surprised and bewildered looking optics staring back at him. Ratchet hauled Jazz to his feet, silently questioning him with a look. Optimus raised an optic ridge silently. Sideswipe currently holding Sunstreaker in a headlock, grinned mischievously at the Lt. after giving the broken vent cover a quick once-over.

Jazz looked back at them as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

"What's crackin'?"

"Care to explain what you were doing in the air shaft?" Optimus voiced the question, finally shifting full gear into leader mode.

"Wha'?"

Jazz looked absolutely confused and rubbed his head, shaking it looking absolutely dazed.

"Where…where am I?"

The twins disengaged from their fight and advanced closer.

"What's wrong with you?"

Jazz stared at them in horror, his optics flickering abnormally. He screamed and tackled them to the ground and combat rolled to his feet, firing a shot from his pistol down the hallway.

"It's Megatron! Run, I'll hold him off!"

Optimus was rooted to the spot. He turned to give Ratchet a concerned look but the medic was already approaching Jazz cautiously from behind.

"Jazz…you are clearly experiencing a malfunction. Megatron is not here."

Optimus walked calmly over and lowered Jazz's shaking hand that still had a death grip on the blaster pistol.

"Stand down soldier, that's an order."

Jazz dropped the gun and fell to his knees as a high pitched frequency assaulted his audios and made his head swim.

_Soundwave is here too?_

The autobots looked helplessly at Jazz as he clearly hallucinated something that wasn't there. He screamed and clutched his head as the frequency rose in pitch. No one else could hear it.

Jazz's screams brought Ironhide and Bumblebee running back down the hallway.

"What's wrong?"

Ironhide's cannons powered up and he looked frantically around for some unseen enemy.

Ratchet then did something rather…unpredictable. One swift smack and a resounding clang as his fist made contact with the back of Jazz's head sent the glitching mech down to the ground in apparent stasis. Bumblebee blinked rapidly and pointed down at Jazz's unmoving form in apparent horror.

"YOU KILLED HIM!"

Ratchet scowled up at their youngest team member.

"I did no such thing! After he on-lines again, he should be back to normal. I've had to do that once or twice in the past."

"Why?" Sunstreaker couldn't help but ask.

"He has occasionally suffered from bouts of what the humans would call, 'post-traumatic stress disorder'. Especially since the Allspark shard revived his spark after Mission City. I don't blame him for experiencing this now after what Megatron did to him," Ratchet explained with a softer voice full of regret. He partly blamed himself for Jazz's demise. If only he had gotten there sooner…no…he couldn't keep thinking like that. They all did what they had to do, besides, Jazz was with them again. He swore never to make the same mistake twice.

Jazz finally twitched a hand and groaned coming back online. The second he lifted his head from the floor he screeched like a cyber-banshee and fired rapid shots in Ironhide and Bumblebee's direction, his eyes flickering from blue to purple.

Ratchet swore and tackled Jazz back down, quickly sedating him this time. Ironhide had instinctively shielded Bumblebee from Jazz's frantic firing with his own body and turned with a menacing growl. If it wasn't for the fact that Jazz was currently offline, he would be screaming a very long string of obscenities in his face.

Bumblebee peered from around Ironhide's massive bulk and a mournful croon escaped his vocal processor as he watched Ratchet easily pick up their malfunctioning comrade and carry him off to the med-bay.

"Come on…let's get some decent recharge," Optimus herded everyone away with a shooing motion.

A few grumbles followed by a grudging retreat back to personal quarters quickly followed the order.

Bumblebee however was reluctant to leave. He looked up at Optimus with concerned optics.

Optimus hid his own worry well for the sake of the youngling.

"Ratchet has everything under control. He just commed me and says that Jazz has a small virus, coupled with 'post-traumatic stress'."

Bumblebee seemed to sag with relief although he still looked hopeful.

"Sir, permission to join you and Ratchet"

"You don't need to recharge?"

"NO! ...sir." He hastily replied, the horror story still fresh in his processor. Jazz was a good friend of his and it would ease his spark to see for himself that he was going to be okay.

The leader stood in silence a few minutes, weighing the pros and cons of the decision. He finally agreed.

"Permission granted."

Bumblebee smiled and followed him to the med-bay where Ratchet was currently monitoring Jazz and running diagnostics on him. He addressed them without looking up from his work.

"He is stable"

Ratchet looked drained. The medic hadn't gotten much recharge within the last couple of weeks since the battle, having put most of his energy and effort into reviving Jazz and helping build their new base of operations. Optimus knew it was time to use his authority as commanding officer.

"Ratchet, you need to recharge. Bumblebee and I will take the first shift watching Jazz."

"But—I"

"That's an order," he cut off any protests before they could begin.

Ratchet grumped, crossing his arms and narrowing his optics at his leader, clearly displeased.

"And if I refuse?"

Optimus smirked briefly, his own optics flashing with mirth.

"You already know the answer to that question, my friend."

Bumblebee rapidly blinked, his optics shifting back and forth between his two elders. The two stubborn old mechs refused to budge, until Optimus cleared his vocal processor finally breaking the awkward silence and very heated staring contest.

Ratchet's frown deepened, glaring daggers of death that had no effect on anyone except Bumblebee who fidgeted nervously, taking a step behind Optimus.

Ratchet held up one index finger to emphasize his point.

"I'll follow orders Optimus…_**but**_ that doesn't mean I have to like it!"

The ornery CMO stormed from his med-bay, leaving a chuckling Optimus behind. Prime turned to his youngest soldier and lightly patted his back in reassurance.

"Just imagine what his mood would have been like had he actually refused my order."

Bumblebee grimly nodded his head. He knew all too well. Besides not getting enough recharge, which would make his foul mood absolutely sour would have to be the following demotion of rank and probation from his duties.

The duo took seats next to Jazz's prone form and began their nightly vigil.

TO BE CONTINUED (Part 2)


	2. Part 2

4 HOURS LATER…

Bumblebee watched over Jazz alone. Optimus had excused himself after receiving a call from Secretary Keller, fully confident that the young scout would be perfectly fine on his own for 30 minutes or so.

He was bored out of his processor. Jazz hadn't even twitched since Ratchet had first brought him in. The only sign that the Lt. was alive at all was the low, steady hum of his internal systems and the occasional beeping from the monitors. Twice now he had to shake himself awake, nearly slipping into recharge himself. After standing and stretching locked servos, glanced at Jazz's face beside him and squeaked in fright to see a pair of red decepticon optics staring back at him. He shuttered his optics and when he re-opened them, Jazz's were closed, sleeping peacefully.

_Perhaps I should have recharged. Stupid optical illusions…_

He sat back down wearily but still on guard for anything suspicious. After ten minutes of alertness he fell half-way into stasis. His peace was shattered however by a low growl near his left audio. He jerked awake and leaped to his feet, his battle mask instinctively sliding into place. Jazz looked fine…then where had that growl come from?

Suddenly and without warning, a strong hand shot out, grabbing his arm. He looked down and stared in horror as his baby blue optics once again locked onto ruby red ones. Jazz's voice sounded scary and distorted…more, evil.

"Bumblebee…I've been waiting for you."

His locked up vocal processor unfroze and he shrieked, ripping himself free of the decepticon Jazz and transformed, peeling rubber down the hall to Optimus's office. The yellow Camaro with black racing stripes screeched to a stop, frantically honking his horn, bringing Optimus out.

Optimus could immediately tell something was wrong, if the obvious shaking and rattling from Bumblebee's alternate frame was anything to go by. For what felt like the tenth time that night, he asked the question.

"What is wrong?"

"Jazz is a decepticon!!"

"What?" He blinked a few times trying to process what he just heard. "I highly doubt that. When was the last time you recharged, youngling?"

Bumblebee remained silent, transforming back into bipedal mode.

"His eyes were red! Come see for yourself!"

Optimus nodded in agreement while calling Ratchet on a private comm., telling him to meet them in the med-bay.

"Ratchet, the secret is out…Bumblebee doesn't know"

"How can that be possible? I thought Jazz told him already!"

"Negative. We will all explain together. Optimus out"

A few minutes later and the three re-united in the med-bay, Jazz apparently recharging. Bumblebee shook his head in disbelief as Ratchet stealthily slipped past him, sealing and locking the med-bay doors. A mechanism designed to both keep people out and to keep them locked in. The young scout didn't notice the odd shift in his elder's demeanors. Bumblebee poked Jazz's arm repeatedly until he received a response. Jazz sat up, his optics glowing eerily red in the dark of the room, his voice once again frightening.

"It's about time you came back!" Jazz growled swiping a clawed hand in an attempt to grab Bumblebee again. He dove to the side bringing his charged cannon to bear on decepticon Jazz.

"See! I told you, sir! What are my orders?"

"Stand down, Bumblebee."

Optimus's voice was distorted, a bit lower and much darker—almost menacing at that. He turned his head to give his leader a bewildered look to come optic to optic with another set of glowing red eyes.

He screamed and brought his cannon to bear on his leader.

"Oh Primus…he got to you first!"

Bumblebee's processor frantically raced and his spark fluctuated with fear and dread when he realized what was happening.

"No…the legend is true? This…this can't be happening! It's just not possible!!"

"Oh…but it is."

He backed away as he was now confronted by a third set of red optics.

"Ratchet? B-but…I thought only one could be infected!"

Ratchet's saw activated and he slowly advanced, menacingly, a throaty chuckle escaping his vocal processor.

"Only one can be infected at a time, youngling. Jazz got me…I got Optimus…and now…"

"_**I**_ will get _**you**_!" Optimus's low, guttural voice resonated directly behind him.

Bumblebee screamed as all three backed him into a corner. Bright flashes of plasma fire briefly lit up the darkened room before everything fell abruptly silent.

24 HOURS LATER… (4 A.M.)

The autobot base was deserted, save for the twins. Ironhide had agreed to help them in the search for their missing comrades but never returned. After searching everywhere and coming up empty, decided to try a new search.

"Hey Sides, have you pulled up those security vids yet?"

"I'm working on it! Give me some room…"

Sunstreaker stared pointedly at his brother, until Sideswipe took a few steps back.

"A little more"

He gestured for Sideswipe to keep moving until his twin was on the opposite side of the room. He turned back to the console with a wicked smirk as Sideswipe whined.

"Oh come on, wide-aft…you don't need _**that**_ much space! And hurry up…I'm hungry!"

Sunstreaker's fingers flew over the keys and touch screen, pulling up video logs from the previous day and night. Nothing so far appeared out of the ordinary. That is, until he stumbled upon the med-bay log.

His optics widened and he cranked up the audio, replaying it for Sideswipe who ran over upon hearing something of interest. The brother's watched and listened to the security log, their jaws dropping in shock.

"Sideswipe…I thought that horror story was just, just…" He stuttered while making hand gestures trying to verbally explain but failing until his twin came to the rescue.

"…fictional…legend…a myth…"

"Yeah, exactly! This has to be a hoax!"

"You think they are trying to prank us back finally after half a millennia?"

"Why not? See…if I was them, I'd use the human's Halloween custom to try to scare someone."

Sideswipe's eyes widened at Sunny's idea.

"Hey! Why didn't _**we**_ think of that first?!"

Sunstreaker rolled his optics in annoyance.

"We were _**plotting**_ our next prank…against the Hatchet, remember?"

"Oh."

A small silence filled a gap in the passage of time until Sideswipe had another thought.

"Sunny…what if…what if this is real?"

Sunstreaker snorted, replaying the video. The last 60 seconds of the med-bay security footage revealed Jazz, Optimus, and Ratchet forcing Bumblebee into a corner followed by the young scout unleashing a volley of plasma fire at his attackers before Optimus maneuvered around behind him. Ratchet moved in after deactivating his saw and sub-spaced a small cylinder from his arm as Optimus held Bumblebee in a headlock still behind him. Bumblebee soon stopped struggling and then went limp, appearing to offline. Then Jazz's red optics turned and looked straight into the _**hidden**_ security camera and raised his gun, firing one shot, sending the security camera offline.

Sunstreaker and Sideswipe played it back another five times before sitting together in silence. The gears in their heads slowly turning as they both attempted to crank out a reasonable explanation to what they just witnessed.

"Sunny, Bumblebee looked and sounded _**terrified**_. He never screams like that unless it's serious. This doesn't feel right. Something is very _**wrong**_ with all of this!"

"Did you see his face right before they surrounded him? It was real terror…real fear."

"I think…well, nevermind."

"What?"

"It's nothing"

"Come on, say something!"

"I don't want to!"

"You can't leave me hanging like this, Sunshine. Come on!"

"I'm afraid you won't like the answer…"

Sideswipe felt a small shock race through his system. Another fairly long silence ensued, making his spark pulse with fear, his twin feeling the same.

"How bad, bro?"

"Pit-slagging horrible."

He waited anxiously for his brother to explain.

"Sides…since when have our commanding officers gone through so much trouble to prank us back?"

"…not much…"

"We only get punished…never have they stooped down to our level!"

"Not to mention…they destroyed that security camera."

"That is not like them. It's too extreme, even for Jazz. He's a stiff like Prowl when it comes to surveillance equipment and protocol!"

"So what do we do?"

"We have to over-ride the med-bay doors. They could still be in there."

"Is that really such a good idea?"

"Probably not, but it's the only way we can figure this out."

"Why don't we call the humans first? They might be worried about their guardians."

"And say _**what?!**_ 'I don't know how to tell you this Sam…but Bumblebee died, in an almost literal sense because he was just turned into an energon-thirsty, zombie mech!' Are you fraggin' crazy?!"

"Well what are we standing here talking for? Let's go and get this over with."

They left the control center and headed for the med-bay. Half-way there, Sunny stopped Sideswipe with an upraised hand.

"We'd better bring the flash-bangs and smoke grenades, just in case."

"I'm on it, bro."

Sideswipe took a left turn at the next hallway junction and retrieved the items from their room, handing half of the ordinance to his brother. They both sub-spaced them in compartments hidden in their arms and legs. They charged their guns and marched in sync with each other down the hall until they were directly facing the med-bay doors.

"You ready?"

"I was made ready."

Sideswipe checked his power gauge on his plasma rifle and made adjustments.

"You have the decoder and slice program?"

"Of course not"

"Sideswipe"

"I forgot"

He then casually pulled out a smoke grenade and did a quick diagnostic scan on his armor, preparing to engage whatever was behind the doors…

"_**Sides!"**_

"I couldn't find it"

"_**Sideswipe!!"**_

He jerked his head up at his brother, optics flashing in annoyance.

"Of course I brought the decoder and slice program!"

Sideswipe held a cd and handheld device up in front of Sunstreaker's face and shook them for emphasis.

"Well? Unlock the doors already!"

"Yes, _**mother.**_"

Sunstreaker fiddled with his own gun, fidgeting as Sideswipe worked on over-riding Ratchet's complicated locking mechanism. After five excruciatingly long minutes, the lights on Sideswipe's handheld decoder turned green and a very loud, audible click alerted both mechs to the successful hack and now obviously unlocked double doors.

Neither made a move, both aiming primary weapons at the doors as Sideswipe disconnected his decoder and slice program disc with one hand, sub-spacing them in a compartment on his hip.

"Go ahead… I'll cover you."

"Fem-bots first…"

"Excuse me?!"

"_**I'll**_ cover you Sunshine, now get going!"

"No fraggin' way!"

"Look… _**I**_ was the one that hacked the doors… now _**you**_ have to do your part. I'm not doing everything myself!"

"How about I open the doors and we charge in together?"

About two minutes of silence passed until Sideswipe relented.

"Fine"

Sunstreaker reached to thumb the door mechanism open but Sideswipe stopped his brother with a restraining hand.

"Bro… just in case our friends really are vampiric, zombie, bipolar opposites of themselves and we go in outnumbered…"

He didn't need to finish as his twin felt his conveyed meaning through their spark bond which basically said, "_I love you, don't get yourself killed by being a dumb-aft_".

"I know. It's been a good run. No regrets?"

"No regrets."

They clasped hands, almost as if in farewell, blue optics locked before the twins screamed battle cries and stormed the med-bay. The sight that greeted them stopped them in their tracks. The med-bay was completely trashed and a couple lights were flickering eerily from the ceiling. There were no energon thirsty, bipolar, zombie mechs anywhere in sight. This only made the two absolutely paranoid.

"Where did they go? That lock keeps beings locked _**out**_ AND locked _**in!"**_

Sunstreaker gazed up and tapped his twin on the shoulder.

"You think _**this**_ is bad?"

Sideswipe half-turned and followed Sunstreaker's pointed finger up as his brother continued.

"…I think it just got a whole lot worse…"

"…frag…"

Both pairs of optics locked on to the open vent cover above their heads.

"Do you know what this means?"

"…we get a vacation?"

"Are you serious?"

Sideswipe cocked his head to the side and blinked.

"… of course not… I was just trying to make light of the situation."

"This is no laughing matter! _**Focus**_"

"Alright… this obviously means that we have five evil zombie mechs running loose, probably still here on base."

"We have to stop them, at all cost."

Sideswipe grinned wickedly at his twin and snickered.

"Dude…you totally just sounded like Prime."

"Shut up or shut down…pain in the aft."

"Let's go… we have to split up in order to cover more ground."

Sunstreaker looked incredulously back at him.

"Are you out of your processor?! In movies like this splitting up means almost certain death!"

"I'm just saying we could probably stop them quicker and end this nightmare if we cover more ground! Just comm. me if and when you run into one of them!"

"Sideswipe… this is a really _**bad**_ idea! They can just pick us off one by one!"

As the two continued arguing amongst themselves a pair of calculating, red optics peered down at them from the vent cover. A low, evil chuckle shut the two bickering bots up immediately. They stiffened, raising guns, both twins standing back to back as they searched for the source of the noise.

Without warning, the med-bay doors shut and locked with an ominous click.

"This is so not good."

"Slag! They led us into a trap!"

"I thought they were _**mindless**_ once infected!"

"Tell that to the glitch-head who got a bit of info _**wrong**_ in this regard!"

By now, the growling got louder as one vocal processor was joined by another… and then another… and then another.

"What do we do?"

"Crack the door and get us out of here!"

Sideswipe didn't argue and ran to the control panel on the door and began hacking again while his brother kept a wary eye on the vents. After catching a glimpse of red optics he cursed and tossed up a smoke grenade, also firing a few plasma rounds just to make sure.

"Hurry up, Sides! I don't know how much longer I can hold them off!"

"I'm working on it!!"

Suddenly his decoder short-circuited, smoke pouring from the device as an automated voice, void of emotion responded.

"Access denied. Security enabled. Engaging in lockdown protocol."

"NO!"

He frantically tried over-riding the lockdown procedure but knew he failed when another set of clicks and whirs inside the door, triggered a second lock.

"Emergency lockdown, complete."

"I think we're in trouble!"

"When are we _**not?**_"

"Point taken… but I mean, more so than usual."

They let loose a volley of plasma fire into the vents, keeping their infected friends at bay.

"We can't do this forever!"

"I know"

"I have a plan, bro."

He relayed a private message to him. Both stopped firing and fell back to the other side of the med-bay, crouching behind some of the wreckage that formed a barrier.

Just as predicted, evil Jazz, Ironhide, Ratchet, Optimus, and Bumblebee flooded into the room via ventilation shaft. Low, guttural growls came nearer. The twins mentally counted down, preparing to strike. Just before Sideswipe stood up a pair of menacing, red optics appeared above their barrier. It was Bumblebee. He just sat there looking at them a moment. Sunstreaker couldn't help it and just had to try talking to it.

"Bumblebee… it's me! Do you remember me?! We are your friends!"

For the briefest moment his red optics flickered to violet and he shook his head violently, his voice sounding normal for a few seconds.

"… p-please… get away from me… I hurt you!"

He shrieked as his eyes returned to red and he lunged for them. The twins were quicker, diving to the side to avoid his grasping hands.

"NOW"

They both hurled a flash-bang, visors similar to Jazz's sliding over their optics and audio dampening fields activating to protect them from the blinding flash and thunderous 'BOOM'. It worked perfectly, stunning the bipolar mechs long enough for the twins to slip past them.

"Hurry, it's just ahead!"

Sideswipe tripped over the large foot of a thrashing Optimus, who was stumbling around blind, sending the twin sprawling face first into the debris strewn floor. Sunstreaker turned around when he sensed his brother's panic.

"Sideswipe!"

By now the effects of the flash-bangs began to wear off, two of their former comrades turning red optics on them, hungrily.

Sideswipe struggled to get back up but part of the wreckage had his legs pinned down. He looked up at Sunstreaker in horror.

"Get out of here!"

"Sidesw—"

"GO!"

"I won't leave you!"

"_**Go now, slag you!"**_

He pointed his gun at his brother, his optics flashing with rage and fear. Fear for his brother, rather than for himself. He tended to get very overprotective and swore to always keep his brother safe.

"Sides… I'm so sorry."

With those words he turned and fled, jumping up and disappearing into the vent overhead. Sideswipe twisted his arm around preparing to fire at his advancing attackers but a low whine and click alerted him to the fact his energy pack for his weapon was now depleted. His useless gun clattered to the ground.

Sunstreaker and Sideswipe's bond continued to burn fiercely. He did not, could not…stay to see what horrible fate was in store for his twin. Already beating himself up for being a coward and abandoning his brother drove him mad. He commed his brother, in the hopes of comforting him in his final moments.

:: What happened to our promise Sides? Never to leave each other behind, no matter how bad it gets? ::

:: I'd rather only one of us dies than the both of us. Don't blame yourself, bro… I was the stupid glitch that just had to trip! ::

His anxiety levels spiked as all of the red optic mechs surrounded him in a tight circle.

:: I thought we said no regrets. ::

:: I lied. ::

:: So did I ::

:: Promise me you will get far away from here! Whatever you do, don't—::

The internal comlink erupted into static. The twins spark bond dimming slightly, alerting Sunstreaker to the fact that his twin was either unconscious or dying. He froze, still on his hands and knees in the vent shafts, searching for a sign through their bond. He almost cried with relief when a slow steady pulse through the spark-bond told him his twin was only unconscious.

Within a fraction of a nano-second he made his choice.

_There is no slagging way I'm leaving you there alone to die, glitch head._

He turned and crawled back, on high alert. He peered down to see his twin offline, strapped down to one of the examining tables. None of the viscious, evil, energon-thirsty, zombie mechs were in sight. He waited a moment, trying to come up with a plan for once, knowing he only had one shot to save his brother. Surely this was a trap.

His time was cut short when he heard grunting and banging in the vents behind him, alerting him to even more bad news.

"Frag this… I'm coming Sideswipe!!"

The second his feet made contact with the floor, strong arms wrapped around him from behind, pinning his arms to his sides. He kicked and screamed, truly terrified and heard the low, dark rumbling laugh of evil Optimus, his captor.

"Slag… WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!…"

His struggles picked up in intensity as the others appeared from clever hiding places he missed throughout the med-bay. How had he missed them from his higher vantage point?! He kicked at his captor only to have the evil Ratchet come at him with a whirling saw, fully activated. Sunstreaker took one look at him with wide optics and shrieked, uncaring if he was screaming like a femme or not. Next thing he knew, doc _**Hatchet**_ knocked him out somehow.

When he woke up again, he found himself strapped down on an exam table right next to his brother who was staring at him stonily.

"Uh, Sideswipe? I think the term 'bad' is officially outdated…"

"No…you think?!"

He growled at him, not at all pleased to see Sunstreaker there with him.

"_**What… are you doing here?!"**_

"I… I came to save you."

Sideswipe looked pointedly down at his own restraints and then over at Sunstreakers. He glared at his brother giving him the 'you-are-the-biggest-slag-tard-I-ever-met' look.

"_**Good job!! But it looks like I'm still here!"**_

"At least I TRIED!"

"_**I told you to RUN!"**_

"You have quite a few screws loose if you think I'm just going to abandon you!!"

Their argument ended abruptly when the CMO came back. Hatchet walked over until he was standing just between the ends of their tables. He laughed maniacally, making the twins wish this was all just a really bad dream.

Sideswipe decided to risk asking… apparently they were smart enough to set traps and ambushes, so maybe they could understand.

"Please… please tell me _**Hatchet**_ that this is a sick deluded nightmare, caused by that high grade I drank last night… Or is this all a really warped joke to get us back?"

His only response was a dark chuckle as Ratchet sub-spaced his saw from his arm and held it up threateningly for them to see.

Sunstreaker had a moment of bravery and decided to take command of the situation, hiding all of his fear and addressed Ratchet as if speaking to a disobedient sparkling.

"You know that time we welded Prowl's aft to the ceiling and it took you forever to get him down? We promise not to ever do anything like that again! Just…put the saw away before you hurt someone!"

The medic traded the current blade he had with a much sharper one, ignoring Sunstreaker entirely.

"Eh-heh…you know that prank we pulled a few centuries back, when we paint- bombed your med-bay? No hard feelings right?"

Ratchet's red optics seemed to brighten at the memory and a sick, twisted grin followed by the activation of his saw answered his questions.

"WE WILL NEVER PRANK YOU AGAIN!" Sunstreaker screamed as evil Ratchet-Hatchet increased the velocity of his spinning saw blade and slowly advanced on them.

"WE SWEAR!"

"SWEET PRIMUS"

"PLEASE DON'T KILL US!!"

"WE DON'T WANT TO DIE!!"

Both grown mechs were now reduced to tears as they struggled against their restraints to get away.

:: Please don't tell me he is about to dismember us piece by tiny piece with that saw of his…::

:: Now I know how he got that stupid nickname. ::

:: This just had to go from bad to worse. ::

:: Worse has now graduated to 'our afts are so screwed'… on a cosmic scale!! ::

:: Good-bye, Sunstreaker::

:: Good-bye, Sideswipe and I'm sorry for stealing your entire stash of high grade energon seven earth hours ago. ::

:: And I'm sorry for giving Bumblebee your wax and polishing cloths…::

:: You WHAT?! ::

"_**Who wants to die a slow and painful death first?**_"

The Hatchet cackled gleefully as he moved his saw closer to the two, toying with them. They whimpered and cried, screamed, and begged terrified out of their processors until at last the others walked back into the room, seemingly normal.

"I believe that is enough, Ratchet. I think they have learned a valuable lesson," Optimus struggled to keep a straight face but failed miserably.

The others were laughing so hard, they were on the verge of going into stasis lock.

"Yes, sir"

Ratchet's red optics returned to blue and he powered his saw down.

The twins blinked a few times and then shared a look.

"What the slag is going on here?"

"You… this _**was**_ just a sick, demented, warped, evil prank?!"

"But…but the security vids! The wreckage in this room"

"The wreckage, is only an illusion," Ratchet hit a button on the wall and the hologram flickered out of existence, bringing the room back to normal as well.

"But…b-but your red optics and scary voices"

"Effects that were created by a harmless virus engineered to alter our physical and vocal properties for a short time. You have Jazz to thank for the idea…"

The twins looked at Jazz in shock.

"You _**traitor**_"

"I thought you were on OUR side!"

"Aww…you jealous you didn' think of tha' first?"

The twins remained silent, refusing to dignify that with a response. Sunstreaker remembered something else that didn't add up.

"One other thing…Bumblebee was really scared in those security logs!"

The young scout looked embarrassed a moment and looked down at his feet as Optimus explained.

"He was truly terrified, thanks to the fact that Jazz didn't have time to explain before the virus kicked in. We informed him as soon as Jazz took the security cam offline."

"But…that doesn't make sense! WHY would you destroy valuable property like that, I thought you were a stiff like prowl!"

Jazz laughed again.

"It was worth it. What goes around comes around…I told you both to watch yo' backs! Besides…equipment can be replaced."

The twins went silent, processing all of this information. They sighed and shook their heads in embarrassment at having been humiliated…but most importantly, for having been out-pranked. They were sure that had never happened before.

"Oh and what we said Hatchet… was a LIE! You will PAY for this!!"

Both twins overcame their shock finally and switched to full blown fury.

"_**You will get yours Jazz**_!"

Everyone but the twins continued to laugh maniacally as they ranted and raved, still restrained to their respective tables.

And that is how Jazz's Bi-polar prank, went down in history, never to be forgotten.

THE END


	3. Epilogue

Author's Note: **PLEASE REVIEW!!** It's vital to an author's future accomplishments! (Internal comlink will be depicted with :: ) I debated on weather to post this epilogue or not but Jazz has been pestering the crap out of me to post it... I do plan to write more stories featuring the twins and Jazz. Enjoy!

Epilogue

The twins avoided everyone for the next three weeks, sulking and vowing revenge. The infamous duo, were not known for their patience. The other Autobots on the base finally returned to their daily lives. One of them in particular was in for a rude awakening.

::It's now or never::

::Just as we planned::

Oh yes… revenge was a dish best served cold.

Despite some heavy revisions and modifications to their original plan, this new one was bound to be the best ever. Although next to Jazz's prank, it would probably still be viewed as second best.

::I have him in my sights…::

Their target in question never did seem to learn, that a prank pulled against them always resulted in war.

::He is turning the corner, heading for the med-bay::

::I've got him::

The victim in question entered the med-bay like clock-work.

::Go for it!::

Bumblebee happened to turn the corner at that exact moment and stopped dead in his tracks. His optics seemed to short out for a moment before burning brightly again in shock. He shrieked and ran screaming something about the return of the living dead, bringing Ratchet running out into the hallway.

Sunstreaker and Sideswipe fortunately hid themselves just in time, diving behind a couple of crates long enough for the Hatchet to return to his post.

::Hey bro, even if this doesn't work, at least we scared _somebody_:: Sunstreaker snickered.

::Let's just get this over with:: Sideswipe sounded highly uncomfortable through their bond.

A few moments of silence passed as neither twin made a move.

::What are you waiting for Sideswipe? You go first::

::Are you sure this will work? I mean, the Hatchet didn't make any more of that temporary virus for the fun of it… what if he was on to us and knew we'd try something like this?::

::Having second doubts already, bro? I'm disappointed::

::Use your head for just _one_ minute, Sunny!::

::Your optics are glowing red same as mine, its working. I see nothing wrong with our plan::

::There are PLENTY of things that are wrong with our plan!!::

::Look we'll never know if we don't TRY!::

::I already feel like a slag-tard::

::Thanks to holo-projection technology, we are merely introducing an optical illusion::

::I still think we should have thought this completely through::

::Stop your whining and let's go!::

The twins snuck out from around the crates. Ratchet had his back turned to them as he was sorting through different tools. They limped their way in, with fake energon smearing their faces and hands. They zombie walked in and began to growl low. Ratchet slammed a wrench down on the table and straightened, voice sounding dangerous.

"Sunstreaker…Sideswipe, what are you glitch-heads trying to pull?"

He turned around with a smirk on his features but froze, unable to reply at the sight that now greeted his optics.

The others came running in behind Bumblebee, all sliding to a halt at the bizarre spectacle before them. Jazz looked incredibly smug as he leaned against one of the med-bay walls with his arms crossed, clearly enjoying his handiwork.

Bumblebee saw them again and shrieked at the top of his vocal capacitor before diving behind the towering form of Optimus Prime.

"ZOMBIE FEMMES!!"

The twins knowing they had to stay in character kept inching their way towards Ratchet but stopped when Bumblebee's words finally registered.

"Did he jus—"

Sunstreaker clamped a hand over his mouth when his voice came out rather high pitched and _feminine._

Sideswipe stared at his twin in shock and began laughing as well but clamped a hand over his own mouth.

"That has got to be the _girliest_ laugh I have ever heard!"

"You're to talk, _sister!_"

Both twins couldn't believe that their completely flawless plan was crumbling before their optics. Thanks to the holo-emitters, they were supposed to look and sound exactly like Ironhide and Jazz!! And with the virus, they were supposed to sound and look like the evil, bipolar, zombie versions of them.

The brother's looked each other up and down and couldn't see anything out of the ordinary. Until their red optics flickered, returning to normal for a few seconds before flickering back.

"I don't get it… you look just like…"

"…A femme…"

The twins finished for each other, turning to glare at the others who were laughing maniacally at the troublesome prankster's failed attempt at revenge. They pointed fingers at first Ratchet and then the others, screaming death threats in high pitched feminine, chipmunk sounding voices.

"You think this is over?!"

"You are soooooo wrong!!"

"We'll get you for this!"

"Be afraid… BE VERY AFRAID!"

With those words the twins fled the room with their commanding officer's laughter following after them.

Optimus shook his head and looked at Ratchet and Jazz awaiting an explanation.

Ratchet spoke up first.

"Well sir, it was obvious that they would surely attempt revenge by giving us a taste of our own medicine. A strategy that has been long overdue, I'd say. Not to mention, Jazz's prank was so genius that their creativity has suffered incredible damage. It could take them years to recover."

"I'm almost insulted that they were targeting _you_ first, Doc," Jazz chuckled.

"I would be very careful from now on. They will surely be gunning for you next."

"I highly doubt that. I would love to see them try."

"Be careful what you wish for."

Optimus cleared his throat to get their attention.

"And how exactly, did you both accomplish such a… unique spectacle?"

"I simply modified the virus we used, to alter their voices and create a false optical illusion so that all they could see were the holo-emitter's original guises."

"I sabotaged their holo-emitters to make them both look like femmes," Jazz shrugged casually, as if sabotaging the twin pranksters was an every day routine.

They all shared another laugh before parting ways, returning to their previous duties.

As Jazz was on his way to the firing range, he paused outside of the twin's room. His optics brightened mischievously as an evil grin spread across his face.

"_**Be prepared… be very prepared**_," Jazz chuckled.

If the twins knew what was good for them, they would be prepared indeed…

THE END


End file.
